My favorite games to ref were the little first grade boys. It
seems to me that age six is the peak period of absurd language usage. There
were two particular instances with those six-year-old boys that still make me
chuckle. Sometimes there's nothing that you can do as a ref but stand there and
silently laugh and groan inside.
The first experience was when a rather
blunt little boy in a blue jersey came sprinting across the field towards me. I
don't know whether he thought I was on the opposing team, or rather he had been
told of the conniving, evil referees, but either way he was not happy to see me
on his field. He bobbed across the grass like a little baby rabbit, jerked to a
halt in front of where I stood, stared up at me while blocking the sun from his
eyes, and then called me "booger ears!!!" in his high pitched voice.
Well, that surprised me for a second!
Booger ears. How original; that must be a newly adopted insult. That definitely
wasn't used when I was in elementary school. Really, when I was younger I was
lovingly called "shrimp" or "four-eyes" for being short and
having those gigantic coke-bottle glasses sliding down my face all the time.
But the term “booger ears” was unique. It was actually really funny to see that
tiny little guy call me names, thinking that he might do me some damage with
his mastery over the English language. Well, ten points for creativity kid!
Seriously, even when they're being hostile they're cute; what's up with that?
The second incident was equally hilarious,
if not more. Before the game started, two boys from opposing sides decided to
exchange some cripplingly challenging banter to drive each other beyond the
point of intimidation. A taller boy from the orange team strutted to the center
line, mockingly glaring and looking down on another boy from the other team who
looked to be about half his size and smirked, "Hey, you, we're going to
beat you!" Not missing a beat, the smaller kid jeered back, "Oh yeah?
Well, not if I can do this!!!" and without further ado, he scrunched his
eyes and rolled them into the back of his head until only the whites were
visible. The big boy looked stunned for a second, and seriously, I could
practically hear the cogs in his head screaming, "what?!?" Oh how
those kids made me laugh!
Now that I think about it, it wasn't just
the boys who were comical, the girls were equally adorable, and I have fond
memories of their silly comments too. One day a girl with flaming red hair
approached me, her huge brown eyes a whirl of complete awe. She looked up at me
and asked in incredulity, "how do you keep track of all of this?" I
pointed knowingly at my stopwatch and said, "This little instrument helps
me keep track of the time, I just have to watch the game and blow this whistle
if a rule isn't followed." The look on her face was priceless; it was if
her whole world had been shifted. Lesson learned: a stopwatch truly is a
magically magnificent object that can undoubtedly change someone's world.
Isn't it great how kids are so easily
amazed? Their innocence can make even the smallest and seemingly meaningless
things in life have a purpose. I'm going to have a lot of fun being a parent in
the future; needless to say, I will definitely be jotting down the funny things
that those children say!
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