Monday, December 21, 2009

A Parody Mocking Twilight Fans

Sorry about this blog post, my dear readers, once again I prove how bad I am at poetry! I did this poem in the format of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven," it was required for English.
The second, fourth, fifth, and six lines rhyme, (the other two don't.) I figured that I would have to write about my hatred for Twilight sometime, so enjoy!
If you do like Twilight(like most of my friends,) then I most heartly apologize. Unless you are like the following women mentioned...

Once upon a sullen silence, I sighed, I sighed about the Cullens.
Crazy, dreamy, drowsy fans, oh how it made me sore;
Muscular, masculine vampire men with shiny skin gave me chagrin.
Their paleness, ageless, alter less lives gave me such a bore.
Guys abhor this whole love lore, “where’s Harry Potter?” I implore.
This Twilight book girls opt for.

Meyer’s tale is mildly cheesy; Edward makes love look so easy.
Edward sinuously stalks our dear Miss Swan, which many girls adore.
When suddenly there came a tapping, tapping, tapping on the wide window;
Our happy Edward leaped right in, in black Goth clothes galore.
His ominous outlook, his empty stare; surely he needs a councilor.
Only this and nothing more.

Since when did vampires sparkle in sunlight, why are young werewolves so cute and cuddly?
These addling attempts of harrowing humor make my head too sore.
Rabid fans now buy icepacks, and glitter, Volvos, old trucks, t-shirts and such.
Meyers has made gobs of cash from movies, my mother, and more!
Please stop these callous and crazy cults of women I implore,
No Twilight anymore!